Walk worthy

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Well, life has been interesting. At the end of February a blood test showed I have stage three kidney disease and a cyst on one kidney. The doctor isn’t concerned since my other blood work looked good and the kidney problems may be age related (sigh) or genetics.

A few weeks ago, I went to the doctor to find out why my hip kept hurting. An X-ray was taken, and the doctor thought I might have avascular necrosis (hip bone not getting enough blood and dying). An MRI was ordered which thankfully showed the hip bone was fine. However it did reveal the area in question is a tumor about the size of a tennis ball that sits next to one of the bigger arteries in my hip/leg area.

My next stop was a meeting with a surgeon who reviewed the information and is concerned that removing the tumor doesn’t look easy. Therefore, I have another MRI (this one with contrast) scheduled this weekend to make sure the tumor is self-contained, not spreading, or connected to arteries, muscles, tendons, or other tissues. After results are reviewed, we will see what needs to be done next.

Life is painful, isn’t it? My problems are very minor to what others suffer every day. Your list of issues may make mine look like a walk in the park on a beautiful day. We all go through times of difficulties and comforting verses abound to help bring comfort. God can do anything. He can heal, restore, and nothing is impossible for Him.

I don’t know what’s next on my journey, yet one verse keeps whispering in my soul to walk worthy of the calling I have received. I can list several things I believe encompass my calling — child of God, author, wife, mom, friend, etc.. However, I believe the verse is a reminder to make sure I’m faithful to walk in a way that honors God – even if the way gets very difficult.

We all have problems and trials, yet whatever we are going through, and whatever may come, may we walk (lead a life) worthy of the [divine] calling to which we have been called [with behavior that is a credit to the summons to God’s service. Walking in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him, and desiring to please Him in all things, bearing fruit in every good work and steadily growing and increasing in and by the knowledge of God [with fuller, deeper, and clearer insight, acquaintance, and recognition] (Ephesians 4:1, Colossians 1:10, AMPC).

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Did you hear that?

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My husband and I sleep with our ceiling fan on full blast to keep the air moving and prevent me from going up in flames when I have a hot flash. One night, however, since the outside temperature was extremely frigid, we turned the fan to a lower speed.

I woke in the night and heard what sounded like scratching, or tiny feet, like mice feet, in the ceiling over my head. Not wanting to wake my husband, I lay there imagining all kinds of terrible things happening in our attic. Were mice building giant nests, eating the lumber and sheetrock, dancing mice discos, and destroying our house? My very fertile imagination created all sorts of nightmarish scenarios.

By morning, I was ready to get a flamethrower and take action. Fortunately, my husband was smart enough and kind enough to check the attic before I did anything rash. He found no problems, nor did he find an army of mice marching around the rafters.

I returned to our bedroom, turned the ceiling fan on, and waited. Sure enough, the scratching sound started up again. Were the mice waiting to come out in the cover of the fan noise? Oh, man, they were a sneaky bunch!

Before I threw a smoke bomb up the attic stairs, I decided to turn the fan on high. And what do you know? The noise went away. I turned it to the lower speed, and the scratching sound started again. Then it hit me: the fan’s vibration was the actual sound I was hearing.

Sigh. I put away the smoke bomb and flame thrower and quietly walked away.

How much time do we waste worrying about something we hear on the news, on social media, or when someone shares a rumor? How frequently do our minds form nightmarish worst-case scenarios?

Corrie Ten Boom gives a great visual, “Worry is a cycle of inefficient thoughts whirling around a center of fear.”

Oswald Chambers wrote, “The one thing that keeps us from the possibility of worrying is bringing God in as the greatest factor in all our calculations. … If we are obsessed by God, nothing else can get into our lives–not concerns, nor tribulations, nor worries. And now we understand why our Lord so emphasized the sin of worrying. How can we dare to be so absolutely unbelieving when God totally surrounds us? To be obsessed by God is to have an effective barricade against all the assaults of the enemy.”

If fear is at the center of our worries, they will only grow. Yet if we are obsessed with and centered on our loving, almighty, all-powerful, merciful, kind, and compassionate God, we are barricaded against the enemy and against worry.

Jesus said, “What’s the use of worrying? What good does it do? Will it add a single day to your life? Of course not! And if worry can’t even do such little things as that, what’s the use of worrying over bigger things?” (Luke 12:25-26, TLB).

Therefore, no matter what you hear or think you hear, don’t worry and don’t be anxious about anything. Instead, in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, bring your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. (Matthew 6:34, Philippians 4:6)

Happy sigh.

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The Grief of Grieving

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I sat at our breakfast table and felt a prompting to spend time with God. To my shame, I did not. I sat there and the feeling passed. And then I was overcome by an overwhelming sadness as though my Lord had called and I did not answer. The Shepherd had beckoned and this little sheep just sat there, and the Shepherd walked on.

I remain a Christian, the Lord Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior, the Holy Spirit lives within me, but my choices have consequences. As the beauty of a sunrise or sunset only lasts for a brief moment, I need to quickly respond when the Holy Spirit prompts.

What did I miss at that moment? What truth may He have shared? What sweet fellowship did I miss? Forgive me, Lord. Please forgive me.

Paul wrote, “Do not quench (suppress or subdue) the [Holy] Spirit. … And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God [do not offend or vex or sadden Him], by Whom you were sealed (marked, branded as God’s own, secured) for the day of redemption (of final deliverance through Christ from evil and the consequences of sin)” (1 Thessalonians 5:19, AMPC; Ephesians 4:30, AMPC).

How my heart saddens that I have stifled, ignored, suppressed, resisted, extinguished a fire, offended, and saddened God’s Holy Spirit.

2 Timothy 2:13 gives comfort that even if we are faithless, He remains faithful. And that if we confess our sins, He is faithful to forgive (1 John 1:9). How thankful I am for a good, compassionate, long-suffering, and loving God.

Oh, Heavenly Father, forgive me for grieving and quenching Your Holy Spirit. Forgive me when I do not respond in a way that honors You. Create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me. Guide, lead, and teach Me. Thank You for Your forgiveness and great mercy that is new every morning.

Have you had a gentle prompting, a quiet whisper in your soul to spend time with the Lord? May your answer be, “My heart has heard you say, ‘Come and talk with me.’ And my heart responds, ‘Lord, I am coming’ (Psalm 27:8, NLT).

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